As We Burn
by katilara
Summary: Lucifer reflects on the commingling of the darkness and the light and everything that must be done to remain true to himself.


**A/N: ** Written for Yuletide 2006. My greatest thanks go to marill82 for the grammar beta,remeciel for the series beta, greenspine for enjoying birdsquish with me, and verdenia and preraphaelite1 for support and extra questions answered. The title was shamelessly stolen from the Alkaline Trio song 'Burn', which I thought was very fitting for most of Lucifer's situation.

* * *

Lucifer stands on the balcony of the room he's allowed to stay in at Rosiel's mansion and watches the birds. He calls them and they flutter up from unseen places, blacking out the sky with their dark little bodies working into a frenzy. He does not allow them to rest as they fly in circles and patterns around and above him. Some of them merely fall to their deaths, not being able to handle motion anymore. Some of them are less lucky.

He extends his arm over the edge of the balcony and picks a bird out of the crowd. He calls to it with his thoughts and the bird flies over obediently. It lands on his fingers and pecks a little at his open palm before stepping into it. The bird cocks its head and looks at Lucifer and Lucifer can feel its body tremble. It knows, without even possessing the mediocre intelligence of a human, that the person it's performing for is dangerous. Angry, Lucifer tightens his fingers around the bird's body, holding it still at first as it tries to struggle. Finally, he closes his fist around it, watching the feathers fall and the blood ooze out of the broken animal.

No one, nothing can look at him normally any more. It had been a luxury as Kira, to move about and have the chance for people to want to know him. For people to not automatically cower in fear, even if they didn't know why. Rosiel had told Lucifer that he couldn't feel emotions like a human, and that may be true, but at least he had been able to feel emotions like an angel again for a short time. No one was afraid of Sakuya Kira. No one but small time thugs anyway. Everyone was afraid of the ruler of Hell.

Lucifer drops the bird over the edge of the balcony and watches the blood drip from his hands. It's his insignia, partially, he thinks. And he brings his finger up to his face. He studies the cooling blood before closing his eye and tracing the mark that goes from his left eyebrow to his left cheekbone, a black swirl of fire now red again for the first time since the war long ago.

He drops his hand onto the stone railing of the balcony and opens his eye again, watching the birds once more. His renewed attention causes them to stir and frenzy again and feathers fall past him like black snow, brushing his cheeks and catching in his cloak. They were innocent, precious things, and he would destroy them one by one. He was doing the same thing to Kira right now.

Sakuya Kira had been his short freedom, the first person who had been given a choice as to whether or not Lucifer would inhabit him in his mad chase through all of time. But now there wasn't a need for Kira anymore, and the boy's soul just got in the way. Since Rosiel had brought Lucifer back he had been reacquainting himself with his power and all that it commanded. And since that time Kira's soul had been in pain, thrust deep into darkness and malice he never could have imagined on that night when he smiled weakly and let Lucifer take over his body. But it wasn't Lucifer's problem that the boy had been selfish. It wasn't his problem that he hadn't wanted to die and had been plied by Lucifer's promises of knowledge and sweet words of travel. He'd done all the boy had asked, anyway, so it was time for that little, insignificant soul to stop making demands.

And yet, Lucifer was having trouble separating from it just now. It wasn't just the meddlesome soul of a frustrated child; it was the savior, Setsuna, as well. The savior had never stopped calling him Kira. Lucifer, whom people trembled before simply because of the effect of his aura, was still a schoolboy in the savior's mind. But when he thought on it, he supposed it was only fair, because the savior was nothing but a schoolboy in his. No, his loyalties and devotions lay with Alexiel.

But there was a problem too. The savior was Alexiel in the same way that Lucifer was Sakuya Kira. Was it possible for him to follow one and not the other? Was it possible for Lucifer, at this point, to shrug off Sakuya Kira and the misguided loyalties that that soul brought with him? He had seen the same question in Setsuna's face. Lucifer sticks his hand out again and calls for another bird. It lands timidly, like the other had, and cocks its head. This one looks him in the eye, still shaking, but defiant. Lucifer regards it calmly, and for a second there is nothing but he and the bird and the sound of wings flapping. The little black eyes, so brave in their innocence, remind him of Setsuna's.

"You're the one who gave the power to Nanatsusaya before!" Setsuna had cried. When Lucifer had looked down at the savior, who knelt in the dirt and clutched the body of Sara Mudo to him, Setsuna's eyes had been angry and accusatory, and Lucifer had drunk in the hate that rolled from his aura.

"Even though you knew Sara was being attacked you waited for me to get here. And then you charged the Nanatsusaya with power and let me strike down Sandalphon. So casually, almost like you were breaking a doll." The savior's voice echoes in Lucifer's mind, the rhythm of his shouts tempered by the flapping of wings. He remembers Metatron's body in the water and how all he could think was that he had done the poor thing a favor.

Siblings, twins especially, were a disease. They taunted, like mirrors, with everything that a person couldn't display himself, everything a person would never be. It is how Michael makes Lucifer feel, in his righteousness. Twins slip inside of you when you're not looking, make you rethink everything you want in terms of what will be best for them. And Lucifer would be damned if he'd let his plans be sidetracked by the likes of Michael. It was all for Alexiel and Alexiel alone. But once again, who could say what Alexiel was now.

Lucifer heaves his hand into the air, forcing the bird back into flight. He grips the railing with both of his hands and clutches at it tightly. He is not going to be undone by mere children.

"You killed that innocent child just so you could stop Sandalphon," the memory of the savior accusing him in his head. "In order to kill Sandalphon you took orders from Rosiel and used me and Sara like this. You, you used Sara as bait for Sandalphon!" The statement was completely accurate. Yet having heard it like that, as it flew out of Setsuna's mouth, had the effect of tainting it.

Something inside of Lucifer breaks as he thinks about it, and Kira pulls away from the darkness that is clutched around him, poised to strangle him like the birds. Lucifer can feel him struggling inside. He leans forward and puts all of his weight onto his hands, watching his knuckles turn white.

It's impossible; he and Kira are one. Kira has to understand, to want what Lucifer does. Except that Setsuna and Alexiel are one in the same way and Setsuna doesn't seem to care about what Alexiel wants. Lucifer knows that Alexiel wants what he does. She has to, somewhere inside of Setsuna where she is sleeping, because otherwise all of this will be for naught. He has done everything for her, because of her. He owes her for wielding him in the Nanatsusaya so long ago, for letting him fight. He has followed her through time, let his land crumble into dust as he tracked her, protected her, and tried to awaken her.

He is going to find God for what He has done to the both of them. And Lucifer can't help but feel that Setsuna, because he is Alexiel, should be willing to help, to understand. Instead the boy had knelt in the dust and cupped his sister in his arms gently and looked up at Lucifer with eyes that were at once fierce and pitiful. Those eyes knew Lucifer as Alexiel had, there was no doubt. And when he had seen Setsuna wield the Nanatsusaya and declare that he would fight for the memory of Sakuya Kira Lucifer had recognized the stance and the passion and the fury. He had wanted to embrace Setsuna, to hold him tighter and tighter and squeeze the life out of him like he did with the birds. It would be just one more sacrifice for him and Kira after all. And when there were so many, well, they didn't mean so much anymore did they?

A sacrifice in the name of devotion is little more than fanaticism and Lucifer realizes this. It is why he rests his head against the cool stone of the railing and breathes in deeply before standing again to his full height. He extends his arm one more time and calls to a new bird. This one lands squarely in his palm and doesn't shake. It is possible that the bird senses Kira's soul more than Lucifer's own, more powerful aura. These things are always hit or miss in the beginning, before Lucifer has it under control, and perhaps Setsuna had felt the same thing with Lucifer. It matters not to Lucifer whether it was out of denial or genuine divination.

He gazes at the bird coolly, as he had with Setsuna. "Very well then, savior," he whispers to it, and it begins to tremble slightly, but still looks him in the eye. Lucifer remembers that Setsuna had shaken too, when he had realized. But harboring Alexiel's iron will, Setsuna had refused to back down, and this worries Lucifer, as much as anything can worry him. Because he is doing all of this for Alexiel, for their freedom from the tyranny of the creator God, and the very person he is fighting for is likely to get in the way.

"Is there a way?" he muses out loud, and cups the bird in both hands this time. If he and Alexiel, Setsuna and Kira, are intertwined in such a way, is it possible that there is a way to at least let Setsuna and Lucifer both reach their goals? And he smiles at the bird, coldly, because he can hear Alexiel's voice now, rising over the memory of Setsuna's shouts. He can hear Alexiel's tired voice as he had freed her from her prison on that night millennia ago, telling him not to be such an optimist. And she had been right, as always.

He brings his hands together and flattens them around the bird. It squawks loudly in protest until he crushes its small lungs. He holds onto it like that until warmth no longer radiates from the small body and the blood has stopped flowing as freely. "Please Alexiel," he begins. He wants to pray to her, to beg her for guidance. He feels he is above the religious context of devotion, but at the same time it comforts him. It also comforts Kira, and he can feel the soul relax slightly inside of him.

He stops as he feels another aura near him, the prayer dying just behind his lips and crashing against them like waves on the rock, trying to escape. The aura is faint and weak and hopeful, entirely too hopeful for someone in this place. He doesn't get the chance to finish the thought, aware now that it is Katan waiting in the wings, and that he is listening to Lucifer. Ready to run back to Rosiel with anything Lucifer does or says, no doubt. He is more caged here with Rosiel than he ever had been in the Nanatsusaya, and Rosiel sacrifices with more fanaticism than Lucifer knows he will ever be able to build within himself. But he takes comfort in the knowledge that Rosiel's devotion to himself is slowly driving him insane. All Lucifer has to do is bide his time.

He drops the bird over the edge to join the others who have ceased to live, and places his hands palm down on the railing, wiping them along it, staining the grey stone red as he does. It is always more satisfying killing something that puts up a fight. No matter the outcome, it will be worth it, fighting Setsuna. Because as much as Setsuna intends to fight for the honor of Kira, Lucifer intends to fight for the honor of Alexiel and all she has ever been. Lucifer closes his eyes and traces the insignia again, flaking off some of the dried blood in small pieces that collect on his collar and his cheeks and his hands.

"Lord Lucifer," Katan speaks up finally. Lucifer smiles to himself, noting that even though the angels pride themselves on being above the humans, they still fall for the same old tricks. Love is the biggest trick of all, and with its snare around Katan's heart, the angel doesn't stand a chance. But then, neither does Setsuna, or Lucifer. He turns calmly and studies Katan. The other man fidgets and looks away from his eyes. Katan is like the first bird, a prey so easy that it is almost beneath Lucifer to bother with. Even if the prey is in the form of an angel. He will still do it though, for the fun of it, and Katan knows it. Lucifer makes sure that he knows it, that all that fear isn't for nothing. "Rosiel needs to see you."

Lucifer waits for Katan to turn, catching the man's eyes as he does. It is Lucifer's eyes that frighten Katan the most, and Lucifer is not above using their depth and darkness to his advantage. Katan turns on his heel finally and starts back into the house. Lucifer follows and as he does a hundred thousand black birds fall from the sky, the only evidence they had been there are the black feathers that are perched uneasily on the surfaces of the balcony and the red stains on the rail.

Doing Rosiel's bidding is just one more fanatic sacrifice in Lucifer's devotion. And later, as the inorganic angel perches on a chair, wrapping himself around the Lord of Hell, Lucifer knows he will smile down at him and assure him that only Rosiel's plans are in his mind. He will allow Rosiel to believe that the crystal actually does have power over him. Because whether it is a defiant bird, a brave savior, a beautiful madman, or the Creator God, it will always be more significant to Lucifer to crush the things that don't fall on their own.


End file.
